We've now been together off/on for 10 yrs. It's been a rocky relationship. My spouse moved in with me in June (we lived together for 6 yrs prior to this). With her came her 15 yr old son. She is renting her home.
We recently found that he has been buying and smoking pot. He told his mom he's been smoking it the past 2 yrs. His punishment from his mother was to take away all his electronics, wallet (containing money & driver's permit) and to be randomly drug tested for which he will have to pay for.
He can not find anything to motivate himself in school. His grades are so so.
Here is where I need opinions/thoughts. A little over a week ago, I noticed his room was turned upside down and slightly funky so I told him to clean it (make his bed, pick up his clothes from the floor, throw away trash). He rose from the bed and said he wasn't going to do it and told me to get out of his room.
I told him again to clean his room. I was standing in front of the bedroom door. He walked over to me and yelled "get out of my room" and shoved me. I was so livid I had to walk away so I wouldn't hurt him.
The next day, I talked to his mother, my spouse, about it. She got a slightly different story from him. He told her I purposely blocked his bedroom door when he tried to leave and claimed he didn't push me.
Even after finding out the truth, he did not get any punishment for this. Why? Because his mother said I should not have been in his room.
Yesterday, her son began yelling at her because he didn't like what the doctor's office said about getting his braces off. He stormed out of the living room, slamming the door. I followed him to the kitchen and told him in a stern voice he will not slam the doors and to stop being so disrespectful to me and his mother.
He again raised his voice and said he wasn't going to the dentist because it was his choice whether or not to get his braces off. I walked over to him and said again he would go to the dentist and he is not allowed to speak to us that way. When I did this, he once again pushed me.
I looked over to his mother and said "Did you see that? Did you see him push me again?" She told him to go to his room and he was very defiant and did the little puffing up of the chest. I asked him did he want to push me again (at this point, I am so angry I had smoke coming from my ears). My spouse got between us. He was talking trash and I said over and over again "you want to hit me again" and I balled up my fist. When I did this, my spouse, his mother who is 140 lbs bigger than me, grabbed me and pushed me backwards against the kitchen counter making me hit my head very hard. And my back where I have a herniated disc and a bulging disc is what hit the counter before my head did.
I then told both of them to leave me alone. She told her son to go upstairs. She proceeded to tell me I shouldn't be mad because she's just protecting her son. I yelled at her and said "C (her son) AND you both pushed me! So he pushes me and has no consequence and then YOU push me! Leave me alone!" I left my house. I did not touch either of them. I returned home after they were asleep.
Now, we live in a very large home. There are 3 doors to get outside to the driveway. We are not sleeping in the same bed because of her snoring which keeps me awake. Sleep is very important for me or my body will ache all day and I'm basically useless. This morning, she purposely came into the living room where I was sleeping and called her job to say she would be out half the day. This woke me up and I asked "Did you really have to make that call in here?" She did not respond. She left the room but returned a few minutes later and started to go out the side house door with her son. Again purposely wanting to wake me up. So I got up and yelled (I am NOT a morning person) at her for going out the door I'm in instead of going out the front door.
At this point, I can not remember what was said from either of us. Her son did his little puffy chest act again and I walked away.
A few minutes later she returns home to get her debit card. When I handed it to her, I told her to leave. She then acted all innocent repeating how she needed to protect her son and I shouldn't have got so close to him in the kitchen, blah blah blah. I again yelled at her to get out, that I wasn't going to put up with her son shoving me any time he feels like it w/o any consequences and I'm not putting up with her shoving me either.
We've not spoken since.
I need advice. I do not want this teenager in my home unless he takes anger management classes. I also don't want the task of "co-parenting" because of his flippant mouth, disrespectful attitude and just plain laziness. Not to mention if I discipline him, his mother over rides my decision.
What am I to do? How do you discipline a teen who just doesn't care? Sending him to his room and taking everything away from him doesn't seem to bother him. You have to follow behind him when he's given a chore to do because he does't care about helping out around the house. If not for me, he would be living in filth.
Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/60255-wits-end-teenager.html
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